Dr. Leon Banister, Jr.

Caregiving in the trenches means living in a world where just as you find your rhythm, trauma stacks on top of trauma. Things were starting to feel normal—as normal as life can be in caregiving, or life in the trenches, as we say in our world. The meds were under control, doctor’s appointments were happening and going well, and we had a routine. For the first time in a long while, life didn’t feel like it was against us.

Then the phone rang. Another blow. More devastating news—this time about a family member hundreds of miles away. In that moment, my mind split in two: How will I support them through this while still showing up for the person I’m already caring for every day?

We start creating plans in our heads—what can I do from here, from a distance? How do I show up for them without disappearing on the one who already depends on me? Right when we feel like we might have a plan, the phone rings again—this time from people who want to help me. They’ve seen the weight I’m carrying and want to make sure I don’t fall and break during this time of insurmountable difficulty.

If you’re lucky like me, you have those people in your life who want to see you rise and don’t want to see you fall. Suddenly, there’s a sigh of relief. Even though it feels like the world keeps trying to crush you, you realize there are people who refuse to let that happen. People who will back you up—if you let them.

That’s the part we don’t talk about enough: you have to let yourself be vulnerable. Let yourself be heard. Let people know it’s okay to need them, even when you’re used to carrying the world on your shoulders