Caregiver burnout has an ugly truth no one talks about:
The one person who stays? The one who shows up every day, wipes you, lifts you, feeds you, advocates for you, cries over you?
That’s the one who often gets treated like the enemy.
And that’s how caregiver burnout begins.
Not the aides who clock in and clock out.
Not the nurse who visits once a week.
Not the smiling PT who gets all the thanks for making you "stronger" while I’m the one getting you out of bed every single day.
Me. The person who doesn’t get to go home at the end of a shift. The person who is the shift.
And you know what? That shit hurts.
It builds up.
It makes you question your sanity, your patience, and sometimes even your love.
Because it’s always:
"Why are you being so mean?"
"Why can’t I just do it my way?"
"You’re rushing me."
"You’re overreacting."
Or worse — you accuse me of locking you in a chair, when the truth is, you just can’t get up on your own.
And we both know you could’ve been in bed 25 minutes ago with my help.
But instead, you chose stubbornness.
You chose to ignore me.
You chose to treat me like I’m the enemy — the very person trying to help you.
No. I’m not overreacting.
I’m trying to keep you alive.
I’m trying to keep your spine from breaking again.
I’m trying to keep you out of the ER.
I’m trying to get you to bed in one piece without another fall, another infection, another delay in healing.
But you don’t want that from me. You want it from someone wearing scrubs and a badge.
It’s like everyone else gets the good version of you.
You turn it on for them, give them effort, give them compliance.
But me? I get the defiance. The resistance. The gaslighting.
And I know why.
Because I’m the one who’s still here.
And I’ve been here since the beginning.
I was there with you in the hospital when things took a tragic turn.
I was there with you in rehab, every single day.
And I’m still here — now, at home, showing up again and again.
I’m the only one who’s here consistently.
Not those other people. Me.
And I’m the only one who gets the resentful version of you.
You know who’s disposable?
Everybody who’s not here right now.
But me? I’m here. Every day.
And I deserve better than being treated like the villain in your healing story.
3 thoughts on “Caregiver Burnout: When the One Who Stays Becomes the Enemy”
Just one word- “Powerful” it summarizes the challenges that all caregivers face. But yet, even through all of this, caregivers are doing what is true, what is right and what is out of love
Caregiver fatigue is a very real issue that only people who are in it, can understand it. Truth is, nobody is truly prepared to be a Caregiver 24/7. Your loved one wasn’t truly prepared to lose so much of himself and be completely reliant on you. It’s not easy to be there time and again, knowing that your efforts will most likely be taken for granted. Not because they mean to, but because they’re all too caught up in their own world. A world that’s lost their independence and for some, their Will to survive. The important thing is to make sure you always show up for YOU too. Self-care Dr.! You’re doing an amazing act of love.
I read a book that helped me a lot, “Love, Dignity and Parkinson’s, From Care Partner to Care Giver” by Dr. Terri Pease. It explained that people with dementia have lost their ability to empathize. It said that among the things we have to do for our loved one is love OURSELVES on their behalf, because it’s one more ability they have lost. I have found that a comforting thought when Mark seems mean or uncaring.
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